It snowed in Texas! We had three inches of snow and our afternoon classes were cancelled. That's right, a College was closed down due to three inches of snow...only in Texas. I got to make a snow man in my backyard with my roommate Rebecca. We named it Glad-ice. Get it? The snow brought peace to the entire school. everyone was outside having snowball fights, making snow angels and taking pictures. Everyone played! Nobody thought of hectic papers or projects. They stopped and enjoyed the present. Not one stranger I passed walking home wasn't smiling. This week I encourage you girls to enjoy the present no matter how hectic like is. Do something this week for you. Do something out of the ordinary and for no other reason but because you want too. Miss you beautiful ladies and I will see you in 1 week!

wisdom journal

A few months ago, Ruth Vuong, the former dean of students, gave several other ASC officers and me mini moleskin journals. The moleskin was to become our wisdom journal. I decided to use my journal to jot down great one (or two) liners that caught my attention.

The tan notebook sits in my purse, in theory so as to always be available for that kick-ass quote that i overhear when riding the Metro, or strolling through the city. Sadly, my purse also contains:
1.) "that book" that I'd love to read but never get around to,
2.) pretzels, fruit snacks, and/or any other edible pick-me-up,
3.) medication (you never know when the rescue inhaler will actually come to the rescue)
4.) an assortment of writing utensils, and
5.) miscellaneous other odds and ends.

Needless to say, the wisdom journal takes a backseat to other priorities...like taking really colorful notes, or a sudden drop in blood sugar.

Today though, the trusty moleskin came to the forefront. That, or the iGoogle daily quote page actually caught my attention. Robert Heinlein says "Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win."

Genius.

Of course the game is rigged. Insert your specific complication to life here. It does suck. BUT, don't let that keep you from taking the next step forward. Lately, I haven't wanted to continue playing. And this game is not limited to boys and dating relationships. Life has been, in short, overwhelming.

But I can't let that stop me. And I hope the dirty cheaters who rig the game for you (stupid boys, financial struggles, time-consuming commitments, and insecure co-therapists alike) don't stop you from playing either.

Black and White

At this very moment my life is absolutely insane right now. Everything is either black or white in the present realm of things. 3 weeks ago worked the Grammy's (amazing), 2 weeks ago was asked to be in a local band's music video "landslides" as the lead singers love interest (we held hands), 1 week ago caught a bug and coughed so hard i fractured my rib (slightly embarrassing) causing me to miss a few classes from lack of mobility, and this week caught a bug again (gotta love college campuses) so i'm coughing up a storm, singing and dancing with my sorority in an event cleverly titled "SING", while having my mom, grandma, brother and great uncle (who grows a magical plant in his forest in Maine), ex boyfriends sister and her friend stay over in Waco this weekend to see me. So life is crazy in the physical and present realm of my life.

On top of all I do have classes that are required of me and they do require some effort.

As all of this is going on in my head I am trying to get a job. Graduate school is out of the question and finacially i get cut off as soon as the diploma hits my hand. So yes, I want to ideally be in southern California. But I do not know where or what company to work for so i just have been applying everywhere, Then there is an amazing company based in Fayetteville Arkansas called echolite media. It fits me so well but have no clue if they are hiring. The person who would be my boss asked to follow me on twitter so thats a good sign I guess? And now we are face book friends but he has not said anything about me working for him. Blast! Then after watching all those surf porn movies with the awkward one I fell in love with a director by the name of Taylor Steele. He lives in Austin and LA perfect right? So I sent him an email yet haven't heard of anything, Then I sent an email to a guy who gave me his card on the red carpet. Still nothing...

So my brain is going crazy and cut off things with tiny tim for the mean time because things have been crazy. Yet he still calls often and we are trying to do the whole friend's thing, im taking it better than he is.

So laskdfjaldskfhaosdfhalwekfhaodfj!!!!#$%%#Q#L%#$WERGLK#$%J as well....

AHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!$@^&**&!%$@&(@*

That's all for now. More thoughts to follow. 

The colors of life, love, and happiness...

This may be a bit juvenile, but perhaps our most profound moments come when we think like a child. Yesterday, as I was walking to my car, I might have had a handful of Peanut Butter M&M's that I was sorting through. When I say sorting through, I mean, making sure there are an even amount of each color, and then eating them in order of which color I like least and of course saving the best for last. (Don't get distracted by my OCD tendencies in this story) Well, if you know me at all, you know I don't eat the brown M&M's (GROSS!) so they weren't even in the mix. I ate orange first, and then blue, then yellow, leaving me with the dilemma of choosing between red or green. Traditionally, green is my favorite color (at least when it comes to M&M's). However, I spent a little more time thinking about the colors than I usually would and decided that I should decide based on how each color makes me feel. After a moment of reflection, I decided green makes me feel happy, but red makes me feel good.
I hope you all aren't completely lost already, because here comes the connection. I started thinking about what I really want to feel in my life. Do I want to feel happy? Or, do I want to feel good? It didn't take me long to decide that while happiness is nice and always welcomed, if I don't feel good first, then what is the point?
Oddly enough (or perhaps not), my thoughts immediately went to Slut and whether or not he makes me feel happy or good. Without hesitation, I decided that he makes me feel happy. Sure, there are moments when he makes me feel good, but overall, only happy.
Today, this theory was confirmed when I received a text from Slut saying "Hey, u two wanna do dinner? Tobin? Kelli? I had plans but they fell thru!" Tell me this... why did he feel the need to add that last sentence? Seriously? Was he trying to rub it in that I am just a backup plan? Okay, probably not, he probably wasn't at all conscious of what he was saying. Either way, it didn't make me feel good. Furthermore, the line "I have two to-do list, and you are on both of them. Everything else is crossed off so now I am calling you" started playing through my head over and over again.
Conclusion: I want a man, I want friends, I want a family, I want a career, and I want a life that makes me feel not just happy, but GOOD (or great, I'll take either).

Oh, and I saved the red M&M for last and it was completely satisfying.

hide and seek

no, not imogen (who is woman)...the game i have played with my previous personal blog. i made it a private blog, but the problem is: it has become private to the author, me.

so i started a new one a week ago. here is post #3, entitled "sooner or later"

the movie when harry met sally taught me that guys and girls could not be friends…because the sex part always gets in the way. i think it’s the honesty part that gets in the way.

recently i’ve been engaged in more and more conversations surrounding relationships. i blame it on a few things:

1.) we are two days removed from valentines day. it’s still tough for some.

2.) most of my friends are single, and we need to find some justification for this apparent ‘flaw.’

3.) probably something else profound…either way, we talk about dating at seminary, relationships in general, blah blah. i’m in my mid-twenties, it’s kinda justified.

in any case, yesterday’s conversation concerning the failures of relationships came down to the fact that we simply do not communicate with one another well. a (male) friend of mine asked what guys could do differently. the answer that he received from several girls was “just be open.” we ladies tried to turn it around: “would you guys feel weird if a girl asked you out?” again, the consensus was no. in fact, the guys would rather know where a girl stood and would welcome such openness.

so…i tried it out for myself. and by ‘it’ i mean letting a guy know where i stood. result: respect.

respect for a lot of things. i respect me a little more now. respect for my feelings and my capacity to engage the opposite sex. respect for the guy, for his honesty. respect for the relationship, that it welcomes openness.

interesting.

i’m 23 years old, and it’s taken me this long to realize that honesty truly is the best policy. i recognize that i blur the lines between honesty and openness, respect and honesty…but these traits aren’t too far away from each other. and it’s kinda neat to see myself putting mom’s advice into practice. it’s about time i do so. i wonder what’s next for me in this new world of openness and honesty…

maybe guys and girls can be friends after all? eh, i won’t get too far ahead of myself. ;)

Dear Gloria,

Please do not take South America away from me. You're right, I do have a good sense of humor about my absent-mindedness tendencies; however, I would prefer to leave S.A. in the humor category. Please don't analyze it and transform it into a sad, lonely place.

Thank you,
Shady

the best thing about being 15...

...(or at least not 25) is the freedom to let Dashboard Confessional speak to my soul. Let's back up. I think the best thing about not being 25 yet is the excuse to listen to dashboard. One day I'll learn to articulate with my own words instead of someone else's, but for now I leave you with another song lyric post. It came up on my Pandora playlist this afternoon, and halfway through I caught the words and chuckled to myself. Enjoy.

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me

**Disclaimer**
my one amendment: that i don't look so longingly.

thank you, iTunes Genius Mix

Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships

The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

Tell me how you feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on noone else to give you what you want

In cognito?

As I signed onto my Portico account today, I saw this headline yelling at me from the announcement box:

**Dating at Fuller: Why is it so difficult? - A Valentine's Seminar for Single and Dating Students.

My 1st reaction: Oh, hell no!

My 2nd reaction: I should at least read a bit more about it

So this is what I found...

- Frustrated? Confused? Wondering why he or she s Just not that into you?
- Is your relationship just not working?
- Come and expand your view of dating
- Learn some practical dating tips
- Sort through confusion in dating to discover the potential for intimacy
- There will be plenty of other men and women to interact with!!!

Date: February 11, 2010
Time: 7:00 p.m.
Place: Rogers Community Room, Chang Commons
Building 271, First Floor

Refreshments will be served!!

Facilitated by Terry Hargrave, Professor of Marital and Family Therapy, School of Psychology
Sharon Hargrave, employee of the School of Psychology and Director of Strong Marriages/Successful Ministries

My 3rd reaction: The Hargraves on dating? Yes please. Whether incognito or not, I want to be there. Who is with me???

My Proposal

Yes, I did get proposed to... in my dream last night. Sadly, Taylor Swift was not involved; however, the ring was hidden in a bag of coffee beans. So at one point in the dream I very excitedly said yes to the proposal, but at another point I very emotionally said no. I'm not really sure if I ended up engaged or not.

Oh, and the proposer was none other than Eagle Eye.